Christmas holiday the time to show your love
By Capt Albert Lee,
Chaplain Campus Atlantic NFS(A) NTDC(A),
Most of the sailors that come to see me, see me for relationship issues. Whether it’s a relationship at work, with their spouse, with their children, or with their family members. We have lost many good sailors due to relationship failures and mental health issues. In fact, building a good and strong relationship is not difficult. There are many different ways to say “I Love You.” Understanding the five love languages, put forward in a book by Dr. Gary Chapman, can help you save such a relationship, whether it is with family, friends, or coworkers. If you can identify your own love language, as well as that of the other person, you can communicate your affection and appreciation much more effectively, leading to a happier, more fulfilling relationship for both of you.
Verbal compliments, words of appreciation, positive encouragement, affirmation, and kind and humble words are all ways to show love to someone. Your partner feels love when you express appreciation for the small things that they do every day. Say “I love you,” “I am glad that we are together,” “I appreciate you,” “You’re attractive/handsome,” and listen, as well as show genuine interest, to what someone saying.
Enjoy doing things together. Don’t just sitting in front of the TV together but really give each other undivided attention. This means looking at each other, talking to each other, and sharing the small things in life with your partner. Sit close to your parents. Spend one-on-one time with close friends and enjoy extended trips with someone. Remember, love for children always spells TIME.
Giving gifts can make your partner feel loved. Someone who speaks this love language appreciates thoughtful, personal gifts, that don’t necessarily have to be expensive. A homemade card or tiny trinket can speak volumes. Try to give several small gifts to someone.
Actions speak louder than words. Examples include: doing things for a loved one such as cooking a meal, giving a massage, cleaning the room… doing chores, helping with daily tasks, taking care of something without being asked. They feel loved when someone goes out of their way to make things more pleasant or smooth for them. I can relate to this love language, and it is extremely important to practice out of genuine feeling, rather than duty.
Touches can be 10 times as powerful and comforting as any words. This love language encompasses all kinds of touch, a hug, a kiss, and squeezes on the shoulder, a reassuring handshake, a pat on the back, a high-five, and an arm around the waist… Not restricted to sexual intercourse or intimacy.
If everyone drives the car but no one is willing, or forgets to add gasoline in the vehicle, the vehicle will eventually run out of gas and stop. Let’s check our love tank. Is it empty? The best way to fill someone’s love tank is to express love in that person’s love language. Each of us has a primary love language.
Discover your own love language by asking yourself these questions: How do I express love to others? Love is not a feeling it is an action. “Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth” (I John 3:8). Love is something we do for someone else. Have a Tank Check this Christmas holiday. Ask one another, “How is your love tank tonight?” If on a scale from zero to 10, it is less than 10, ask them “What can I do to help fill it?” Then do it to the best of your ability. Christmas holiday is the time to fill your love tank. And make sure your love tank is always full. That may be the best Christmas holiday gift you will ever give.